I wrote this at the start of my year, and it has proven to be more true than I had realised.
God is the voice which beckons me to come and die
God is the source of my being
He who gives me the desire and means to surrender to him
God is the one who looks on my sickness and does nothing.
And causes me great pain.
And brings me to nothing.
To the mouth of the grave.
He said he would make all things new.
God makes promises
God is the one who causes me to look past my sin and sickness to the greater glory at the end.
And makes the path clear.
And carries me down it.
God is the object of my divided desires.
Does God desire me, also?
Would he allow my suffering if he did?
God is the one who can use every situation for good.
Since he calls me to come and die.
That he would make me new.
God is called ‘redeemer’, for he rescues the debtor and pleads for them.
God is the one who restores my soul.
Pleading for it in the eternal courts.
God is the one who cries out for me and from me when I have not words.
He who cries
“I will die”
I did not expect how tough this year would be, but reading these words again I understand that God did. And God has been with me, just as I wrote here. He has demanded much of me – much more than I was ever prepared to surrender.
But I don’t think I would change any of it.